I don’t know about other people who have lost vasts amount of weight, but I feel like the loss of five and a half stone is just the beginning of the journey for me.
Having struggled with my weight since I was 18 (I am now 33), I had begun to try and accept that being plus size is how I would be forever. I tried my best to tell myself that it is ok to be bigger and that the world is so much more accepting to larger ladies these days and although that is very much the case, in reality, that was far from what I was actually thinking. Deep down I was desperately unhappy, uncomfortable, out of control and trapped.
I was relatively slim up to the age of 18 so I had in fact lived the life of a slim person before and had all the reminders such as photos and relatives who regularly brought it to my attention that I never used to be “fat”.
Looking back on my days of living as a plus size I now realise that I had adopted very bad eating patters and looked on food as a way to get through life. I suffer with various conditions such as: anxiety and mild depression but I coped with those by eating everything and anything that provided me with comfort. These foods mainly came in the form of takeaways, Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, crisps and honestly, about four or five chocolate bars a day. My portion sizes were huge and I could eat without even getting full most of the time and when I did get full I would be so full I would be unable to move from fear of being sick.
Exercise was non existent for the most part, but inside I knew there was someone in there who wanted to be active and positive about life but I was lazy, fat and deeply frustrated with myself. I was also in a bad marriage and I felt that for the most part I was fighting a losing battle in many ways which happens when two people are not compatible. I put so much effort in trying to make my relationship work that I lost myself and forgot what really made me happy. The high sugar, stodgy food made me happy for an hour or for the day but then I went back to feeling rubbish again and the vicious circle was never ending. Even worse was that everyone including my husband at the time was getting sick of me moaning about how fat I was and how unhappy I was or how I had discovered a miracle new diet that was going to make me super skinny.
So as you can see by reading the above, I just wasn’t in a good place and I was suffering not only mentally but physically as well; until something changed.
My husband told me he wanted a divorce, I have to be honest, it wasn’t much of a surprise but never the less, I needed a distraction from my mind more than anything, so I started back up at the gym (the gym I had been a member of for years and had been half halfheartedly going to on and off). I decided that this time I was going to do it and build it into my routine, after all I had a lot more spare time and gradually I began to notice small changes.
I began in Sept 2016 by going about 3 times a week and gradually I noticed my face looking slimmer, my tummy felt a little less uncomfortable and I had more energy and after a month or so I had lost about a stone. I was also eating less due to stress but when I did eat I was still eating what I would call the “junk food diet”, I was just eating less of it. So for example I would eat one meal a day but that would be a burger and chips.
However, people began to comment on how well I was looking which then spurred me on to continue. I have to admit that November to December were not the best months and I think I actually put some weight on but in January 2017 I made a promise to myself to hit that gym hard no matter what, so that is what I did.
Fast forward to now and I have lost a total of five and a half stone and I still can’t believe I have done it. I do know that the key is to never give up, a lesson I desperately needed to learn. Even if I had a totally rubbish day with food and ended it by bingeing on four chocolate bars and a huge bag of crisps, I still turned up at that gym the very next day ready to work out.
It hasn’t been easy and I have had days where I wanted to give up and I will tell you honestly that only now am I starting to adopt a much healthier eating plan. It only took me ten months to realise that if I put good food in, I will get better results despite everyone telling me so repeatedly. I just needed to learn this and action it in my own time and we all know change very rarely happens over night. Of course, I still have those dreaded cheat days. I still eat pizza, burgers and chips but instead of eating them as my staple diet, I now eat a lot healthier and I eat three meals a day plus snacks if I feel like I need them.
For me the gym was a way of coping with life, now it is so much more. It has changed my life, literally which might sound really sad. I have met so many lovely new people, I have a better body, I am learning new exciting things all the time and I am pushing my body to the limit which gives me the best feeling of achievement. I am even doing a colour run in July and this is me who couldn’t even run for fifty seconds last August.
I now feel much more confident in my own skin, I feel better mentally and I feel like I have a purpose in my life. I know where I am headed with my body and I really do feel like this is the beginning. Although I have lost a lot I still want to lose more but now instead of just wanting to look “skinny”, I want to look fit and toned and healthy and I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that I will do it.
I am going to start tracking what I am eating and I will also be tracking my progress as I have a clear goal in mind now. I will be doing this through blog posts and will be posting some recipes up to as well as putting up “what I eat in a day” blogs for those of you who might be interested.
X C X